Global Warming
by TheSpiritOfHogwarts
Summary: Hah! You though Voldie was all bad right? Wrong! He stops Global Warming! Yeah, I know right? And don't let him fool you, he loves Polar Bears! If you didn't get that then you obviously need to read this.


Disclaimer: No I don't own Harry Potter...sniff, sniff! It's just so hard for me to talk about, cause, its such an awesome story sniff and the amazing characters... and none of its mine! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Author's Note: Hah, I bet you thought Voldie was all bad right? Well, he also stopped Global Warming. HAHA YOU WERE WRONG!!!!!!! author is smacked on the back of her head for being so childish Big Meanies! So, again read and reveiw! AND IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU HAD BETTER REVIEW OR ELSE I WILL FIND YOU AND FEED YOU TO A GOLDFISH WITH INSECURITY PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

"Gah!" The Dark Lord formerly known as Voldemort but who now is mainly known as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and You-Know-Who because everyone has this weird complex about calling him by his real name exclaimed eloquently, "These muggles are all such pathetic, sniveling little morons". This oh-so-expressive comment was caused by a group of muggles nearby who were holding at protest at a car dealership. They kept shouting about 'gas-guzzling', 'Global Warming', and the 'hole in the ozone layer' and quite frankly, it was making it quite hard for the Dark Lord to maintain focus on the all important purpose of his journey into the muggle world.

"What's wrong with them protesting, My Lord?" Severus Snape inquired patiently.

"I do not mind them _protesting_," The greatly feared Dark Lord responded huffily "What I mind is them protecting something as trivial and insignificant as Global Warming".

"Actually, My Lord," Severus replied cautiously "Global Warming is a pretty serious issue. Wizards don't talk about it much because we didn't cause it but, eventually, it will most likely lead to the entire planet's demise".

"Bah Humbug!" Lord Voldemort snapped viscously, quite proud that he had successfully made his first muggle movie reference.

"Um, My Lord?" Snape asked with an amused expression on his face, "Bah Humbug is a Christmas thing".

"Yeah…well…," said the almighty mind reader, searching desperately for a witty retort, "Bah Humbug!"

"But I just said…"

"Bah Humbug!"

"But I…"

"Bah!"

"But…"

"Humbug!"

"But!"

"Bah Humbug!"

"But!"

"BAH HUMBUG!!!!"

"Fine! You win".

"YEAH!" shouted the once again victorious Lord Voldemort "I WIN! I win, you lose, nyah nyah, nyah nyah, nyahnenyahnenyahnyah!"

"And this is why even the Death Eaters want Potter to win" Snape mumbled under his breath.

"WHAT WAS THAT YOU SNIVELLING HALF-WIT!" Screamed a very upset Dark Lord who now sounded like a PMSing teenager.

"Nothing! Nothing!"

"Good. Besides, Global Warming isn't urgent and when it does become urgent there is a very simple spell that can take care of it. Now, come minion, we've wasted enough time here already" said the now once again calm and composed evil mastermind.

"My Looo_ord_," the bat-like henchman whined "you _know_ I don't like being referred to as your evil minion! That title is just so demeaning! I mean…wait, did you say you can fix Global Warming?"

"Quick on the uptake as per usual, Severus"

"Wait! Is it really possible?"

"WHAT? ARE YOU QUESTIONING THE DARK LORD'S POWERS?"

"Um…uh…no" replied a very scared Severus, who had really been hoping to go on a date before he died.

"Good answer" replied a now, sweetly smiling Lord Voldemort who was actually much more frightening than the insanely screaming Lord Voldemort.

"But, My Lord, if you can stop Global Warming than do it! Do it right now!"

"Why, should I waste my time to heal a stupid hole in the ozone layer that the stupid muggles will probably just reopen five seconds later?"

"But, My Lord…the polar bears! Think of the Polar Bears!"

"Severus, why do you care so much about the polar bears? They're all hairy and smelly," said the insane mass-murderer, wrinkling up his nose daintily, "and besides, they _eat_ _seals_. Eeew!"

"Okay, what about the penguins".

"Pshh, they all die anyway. Global Warming is just speeding things up a bit".

"Okay, well what about,"

"Look, if I do the stupid spell will you just _shut up already_?"

"Deal!"

"All right, here goes" muttered Voldie before pointing his wand at the sky and shouting, "Reparo!"

Severus Snape stood open mouthed, staring in sheer amazement, "_Reparo_? It's _that_ easy?"

"Yes, Severus, it's that easy".

"But the… and the…but…wha…huh?"

"Exactly".

"Hey! You stopped Global Warming!"

"Again, you are _very_ quick on the uptake, aren't you," said the Dark Lord, who was quickly becoming very disgusted with his choice in henchmen.

"But that means…you did something good!"

"What?!" exclaimed an extremely alarmed dark wizard, "Pshh…hehe…no I didn't!"

"Yes! Yes you did! Oh, I always knew you were a good person!"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME? DO YOU WANT TO BE SERVED TO MUGGLES ON TOAST, MISTER?"

"No! No! I'm sorry!"

"Good, that's what I thought you said" Voldemort said calmly, striding ahead.

"Polar bear lover" muttered Snape behind Voldie's back.

"What was that?!"

"Nothing, nothing. So, why are we in the muggle world, anyway?"

"Because, my imbecilic minion, I need French Fries and only muggle fast-food chains make them greasy enough for my liking".

"Of course, My Lord, it makes _perfect_ sense for us to stop trying to take over the wizarding world so that you can buy French Fries".

"I'm glad you understand my well-developed logic and reasoning" said a Dark Lord who had never been able to catch sarcasm.

"Uh-huh, see, this is why a full-grown man with a highly advanced magical arsenal has such a hard time defeating a scrawny seventeen-year-old with glasses".

"Uh-huh, I know exactly what you…WHAT WAS THAT PUNK!"

* * *

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!REVIEW OR I'LL DIE, JUST DIE I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
